I've Always Believed In Futures

So some people may have found my last post harsh, but blah blah. I had to get it out somehow. Blogging is honestly therapeutic to me.

With that being said...I am having some problems with the future.
I am ok with this whole undergrad thing. Sometimes it blows ass like when I have to read stupid sociology articles that are 35 pages or study idiotic italian verbs. These things are unnecessary but I understand the point of them. I am ok with being in school for another year and finishing this one. I know I want a college degree and I know this is how I have to go about getting one. What I'm not sure about...is what I want to do after these 4 little years are up...

For a while I was set on going to grad school after this for counseling psych and being a psychologist and fixing the world one troubled teen at a time....but after 30 short minutes of looking online at the programs and literally seeing those words in print..."5-6 years to finish the PhD degree", I don't know...it just became intimidating. And typically no more than 6-10 people get accepted in each program? Whatttttt?? I mean, I probably knew that, but it never really dawned on me how hard I have to work for this. And that's when I realized.........I'm not sure if I want this. Most of the time I am a crazy competitor. I live for the rush of striving for the top, but if its something I'm not into, then I literally have no motivation to accomplish it.

What I really want to do is to help, to inspire, to make a difference, and to tell my story. I have some ideas right now of how to do this, though they are all very undeveloped. I'm not quite ready to put some of them in writing just yet.

I want more for my life than just sitting at a desk for 6 years and then doing some more sitting for the rest of my life. I want to be active. I want a life that is always changing and always exciting. I want a life where I can actively see a difference. I want to see the smiles on peoples faces take over my entire field of vision.

And another thing I've realized...I'm shy. I'm not very good at talking to people about the way I feel or the way they feel. I think this may be a problem.