I will forever be trapped in a 12 year old's body

Ever since I was a kid, I have had this obsession with movies, specifically when they have mushy gushy love scenes and hotties in them. I used to tape movies on tv all of the time and would watch the love scenes over and over again. I would analyze the smile of the leading male, the way his face lit up every time he saw his leading lady. I would watch his hands and how they held on tightly to her hands, and softly to her face. I would watch every last little detail of every move he made, and then I would watch the girl. I would watch the expression on her face through all of this, always so happy and satisfied.

I'm not sure if this is embarassing to say, but i still do this today, in my 21-year-old life. Sadly enough, many of the movies I do this with are movies that only a 12-year-old girl would or even SHOULD be able to watch over and over again, movies I am too embarassed to name. My feelings on love and how it should be portrayed have gone unchanged, and I wonder if that is why my expectations are so high (it has to be).

I always expect relationships to be cookie cutter, and I always expect to get those butterflies the way I do when I watch the hunks on tv. I always think characters are accurate representations of people in real life, but they aren't. I've never met a guy that lived up to Seth Cohen, Edward Cullen, or Paulie Bleaker, but I still think that one day I could...and at least for right now I think I'm going to keep trying to find one of them.